How to Make Gay Friends and satisfy women: The Ultimate Guide to Effective Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

Y’all possess some problems meeting homosexual folks. We know this because for as long as we have now had homogay ‘internet presences’ you have been asking united states making queer friends/meet ladies. We Have Now
answered you, occasionally

But it seems that perhaps not occasionally enough:

Although Laneia is convinced she’s truly the only lesbian in Phoenix (i am positive this is simply not thus, some body please straight back me up for the remarks), most of us here on Team Autostraddle possess a comparatively healthier posse of queer pals. Or at least it appears that way once we assemble for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel totally happy for this and so we have chose to enlist the troops and answer comprehensively the question “how do we meet some other queers?” forever.

First Of All:

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+ wondering “How do I date a chick?” We have articles for that:

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+ interested in learning the way to get a lady to sleep more than? Coincidentally, we’ve got a write-up for the, as well:

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+ contemplating revealing a particular treat with your special brand-new friend/’special’ friend?

Top Ten Cookies


Do you want? Let’s begin.



: GET A JOB! No truly. Go get a job. It generally does not have even as
a gay task
. Though I’ve had those. Jobs during the Straight World are teeming with undercover gays. If you notice a printer jam, wait approx 2 mins and a lot of most likely a gay woman will show up to repair. In my experience, typical ol’ tasks tend to be the very best spots to meet up with other gay girls, whether for friendsies, FWB, or potential spouse content. If you can find slimmer pickins’ at Your work, most of the better for you.

Fit for a Femme

: Hang out where your friends function, if relevant. Some body i understand simply satisfied a fairly thing to nibble on by doing this not too long ago.


: If
your own work colleagues know you’re a homogay
, they’ll very nearly surely make an effort to familiarizes you with or establish you with the gay cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.

Shows for Queer Musicians



I have found almost all of my personal queer buddies at
. Gay ladies are rather intent on supporting their unique regional gay artists, so go have a look at a number of programs. When your city has actually an all-female band after that that’s a place to start, their own concerts will probably be filled with potential queer friends. I always believe it is easiest to produce buddies making use of performers themselves because you currently have an excuse to hit upwards a conversation with them: to share with them you loved their tv series. Question them if they’re playing after that, and choose that certain also. Simply hold showing up.

Join any Club/Team Which Will

Maybe you have as a Member

Intern Hot Laura


Have you got a

motorcycle co-op

in your area? We bet you will do, and I bet discover a bunch of attractive girls running around with bike fat on the noses. Even though you you should not satisfy anybody, you’re able to discover ways to develop a motorcycle and that is similar to carrying around a much lighter in the event a cute girl wants a light just much better as you reach arrive their particular their own relief and fix their particular damaged tire.


: Join a

publication dance club


writing class


DIY picture taking workshop

– in fact, Do-it-yourself such a thing works.


Go right to the

roller derby

All queer ladies are in the roller derby. Everyone. Roller derby is actually wall-to-wall lesbians and I also’ve seen many women hit right up brand new friendships while watching a-game. Its fairly easy doing because if there’s something that roller derby fans love, it’s revealing their own comprehension of the video game with newbies. So if there is a group in your area, get see all of them perform. Saddle upwards beside a group of precious women for the committing suicide chairs (where the severe enthusiasts stay) and have these to explain the regulations for you. In my opinion you will make some brand new friends very quickly.

On the net

We mentioned the online world multiple times just like the proper way to generally meet additional gays. Plainly here is the internet, so we’re biased, but we’ve found nearly all of our very own pals listed here, or via Riese’s prior blog sites (that’s where most of the staff comes from — readers of the woman weblog plus the buddies she came across through men and women, etc).
We notice OKCupid is a thing
, additionally.

Intern Emily


Discover some body on autostraddle just who lives close by. Provide them with your own e-mail. Go after a walk. Walks are no-cost.


: it can be various now, but when I was a baby (23) we responded to an advertising on craigslist w4w by a female whom said she was actually bi, visited Columbia, played soccer, enjoyed ‘420′ and wanted various other bi ladies to go aside with and become friends and brave the frightening queer world collectively. The first time we found it was absurdly awkward nevertheless got progressively better right to “more comfortable than i’m with anybody, actually.” We’ve been through a bunch collectively — numerous life stages! — therefore’re still friends now, and it’s really through her intrepid internet based friend-gathering that I met Lainy, whom found my
now-best-friend Haviland
on friendster immediately after which invited the lady to a thing that I was in addition at, that is how I met Haviland. So! The point of that is:
craigslist maybe something
? The answer to it becoming non-intimidating was actually that individuals both earnestly wanted new pals, yannow?


: Get a hold of a queer lady which writes a web log with plenty of emotions and deliver the woman email messages regarding your feelings. Browse publications. After queer lady with a blog starts an on-line journal, help the girl. Accost individuals on gchat. Whenever queer lady with a blog has events and introduces that her buddies, end up being very nice for them and state things along with your mouth and sight. If one of these is specially nice, compose them a contact and be their pal. Be really sincere and simply take some anti-anxiety treatment. Aren’t getting an alternative solution way of life haircut if you do not actually want to. Buy at least one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily

Start a blog
. Write-in it for just two many years. Just take a 3-day hiatus and require folks in your own city to e-mail you.


Begin a blog
after which
make a webpage
right after which employ people to end up being your buddies at no cost.


Put “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” within craigslist article in addition to girls may come a-runnin’, with plenty of gay friends of their own in pull. You eliminate like 40 wild birds with one material and that can hear Tegan & Sara

on a regular basis


In A Ladies Studies/Gender Reports Course

You should check aside this directory site of
LGBT/Queer Studies programs
at universities throughout the nation! You also should be involved in course. Girls who participate are the hottest.



Ladies’ scientific studies courses are a good spot to fulfill ladies: everybody’s just about a feminist currently to help you have brainsexy discussions, which are great for continuing in bars after course. View your self with those hot profs, however.

At your LGBT Campus cluster in college or university or senior school

This can be Taylor’s NYU LGBT Cluster


: In college, before I became really out or strongly recognized, I began nervously attending a couple of occasions used by our class’s LGBT office. Fast ahead a year and that I had been running on-campus queer workshops weekly, and that I’d scored a massive posse of passionate forward-thinking activist gays, just like that! Before I worked for our LGBT company I thought super bashful at queer occasions, so if your school provides an energetic LGBT organization, thinking about signing up or applying and plunge right in. The LGBT company turned into another house, that has been perfect for between-class naps and conference hotties, however.

Intern Emily

: visit your class’s queer nightclub. It will be shameful. You might continue a lunch date with a cute lady exactly who delivers the woman girlfriend. You might earn some buddies though.

Gay Bars and Gay Events!

Demonstrably this can be a daunting scenario, but lots of getting-to-know-other-girls at these bars don’t take place with one initial uncomfortable see. You must go-back. And get back. And return back. And finally you have no choice but feeling comfortable indeed there, since it is a place you decide to go many. Next perhaps you will keep in touch with complete strangers or get 25 people to kiss you to suit your 25th birthday celebration. It really is something, you can preserve score in your arm with a pen. If you’re in nyc,
GO mag provides the a lot of extensive, current bar/event listings

Intern Emily

: choose a gay club. Get really intoxicated and keep in touch with everyone.


When you are from the gay bar or lesbian night, could imagine thoughts like ‘nobody here really wants to talk to me personally’ or ‘everyone right here features a gf’ or ‘why tend to be lesbians so daunting’ therefore must control all those thoughts and include these with a unique sensation and that brand new feeling is ‘whatis the worst thing that may take place, I’ll get declined?’ and I also KNOW I AM AWARE I AM AWARE that seems petrifying, as if being refused may be the worst thing that may actually occur as an individual existence. But it is really maybe not — your confidence is sexier than your getup will ever end up being, and girls are very weird and also have a lot of issues/reasons to potentially deny you that you are unable to get anybody getting rejected individually. Only create visual communication. State hi. It doesn’t have to be intimate. Imagine your self in her own footwear and think of the method that you’d want this lady to address you.


: do not a scaredy cat! choose a bar/club/show alone. In fact, this is the way We came across my wife 5.68 years back.

Some General Recommendations


Sarah Croce

: we used to be timid. My personal response? Develop a pair. Figure out what rocks about yourself and with confidence hit right up discussions with arbitrary men and women. They don’t have to be gay. Frequently you will discover the majority of women tend to be bi, or inquisitive, or have homosexual pals. Direct people love to inform you they will have gay buddies as well as constantly think you really need to attach with them like there’s some kind of gay drought and also in purchase to thrive and save yourself the lesbian race each of us have to mate feverishly. It is like they do not know we can not procreate. Plus they usually ask just how lesbians have intercourse.


Begin Smaller, Develop a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R

: Create your very own Lesbian Posse. You only need a few additional homosexual friends to start – inform them to invite a few other queers they are aware (if you don’t have almost every other homosexual pals – they do!) and plan little events for yourselves like dinner at a flat, motion picture evening, bowling night, ski/hiking excursion, etc. create a regular thing and that means you have something to look ahead to so that as the weeks pass by the lesbian cellphone forest will grow longer and lengthier and after a few months you should have your own Lesbian Posse.


Be Brave:

Intern Emily

: sadly, meeting new-people implies you ought to be courageous and strategy them and speak with all of them and locate what to discuss and spend a lot period obsessing about what to put on, etc. Its many personal anxiety and you should take some capsules regarding, but also, you really feel good after.


Be Old-Fashioned and Project Away From Your Own Comfort Zone:


: Get beyond the rut. I hear plenty of girls worrying about it’s all the same individuals, equivalent girls, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a regional town, get that practice underwater, bicycle it, shuttle it, but try not to expect to meet brand new, interesting women performing similar shit that hasn’t struggled to obtain yet.

Also, be antique. Imagine there’s really no net and don’t forget what it’s like to be courteous and grateful and genuine IRL, and extend real invites and develop real enduring friendships. It is easy for points to fall through the breaks with internet-based contacts; they need to be nurtured for reals. Being traditional reminds us all a small amount of the required steps to maintain the kinds of relationships that people desire!


Gays tend to be almost everywhere:


: recall in

The Wizard of Oz

where Dorothy finds out that exactly what she was looking for was a student in the woman backyard/home/heart your whole time? You are a gay individual, and also you love to do things/go spots. It is likely that different homosexual people additionally enjoy these things/places and are probably already here! Search your job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and most likely there are queer folks there. Like truly, if there are many than 10 people in the building it’s statistically very possible that might be another person there who is also an enormous gaymo. You just have to be daring and speak with individuals and never end up being timid about getting gay yourself; they will certainly likely be extremely relieved and answer in type.


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